Ah, the phrase has a nice ring to it. In 1993 this comedy starring Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau set the stage for the 43-year-old me. Fourteen years later, I arrived at the University of Mary Washington and quickly found my lunch table tribe, grumpy old professors and staff. Sharp-witted, funny, and irreverent this group of men and women provided a source of entertainment, philosophy, and education for eleven years.

Once numbering in the dozens, this cast of characters dwindled through retirement so there is only a few of us left. We often joked that lunch was free in Seacobeck but we paid $6 for the counseling session.

What a great model for a sitcom!

The episode would begin with a rotating, ensemble of goofballs, eccentric professors, and snarky staff sitting down and saying “you won’t believe what happened to me today”. Fade out to a story about a hapless student, helicopter parent, or clueless administrator. The jokes and stories we told bordered on “you can’t make this stuff up.”

For example, during the last week of class one semester, Dan Hubbard came in and told us of a student who made an appointment to see him that morning. “I know I have missed a few classes, is there anything I can do to make it up and get a good grade?”

Dan looked at his attendance book. Other than the first day of class the student had never been to class, taken any of the tests, or turned in any of the assignments. “Sure.” Dan said, “take these three tests and do the assignments by tomorrow morning”.

“Great, I’ll do it!” the student replied. Dan never heard from him again.

Or the time Tom Sheridan told us about the basketball coach’s experience with two players. When told to arrive promptly at a quarter past four for practice they showed up at 4:22. When asked why they were late, they said they were three minutes early. Since there are four quarters in a dollar and each is worth 25 cents, then 4:25 was a quarter past four. They weren’t kidding.

Or my story about a Health Center employee. Due to morning snow, the University announced that it would open two hours late, at 10 am rather than the usual 8 am. The part-time employee who normally comes in at 10 am came in at noon saying she followed the directive and came in two hours late.

Or the story from Milton Kline. One Friday in college he and a roommate played a practical joke on the student living in the room next to theirs. They lifted his door off its hinges and hid it knowing the student had a girlfriend arriving that day for the weekend. When the student came back to his room and stared at the open doorway he asked Milton where the door was. Milton straight faced said “The maintenance people came and took it to the shop, it was broken. They will bring it back on Monday.” Apoplectic, the student called and yelled at the clueless facility services. Milton somehow kept a straight face.

Burger Night

In addition to the daily lunches, we began meeting for Tuesday “half-price burger” night at Home Team Grill in Eagle Landing. More stories and jokes this time fueled by beer and beef (bull?). In lieu of one Tuesday dinner, Jack Bales, Reference and Humanities Librarian, hosted a retirement party for me at his condominium.

Retirement Party

So on Tuesday, February 20, 2018, a pride of gumpies gathered at Jack Bales place. From left to right, Joe Nicholas, Ian Rogol, Gary Johnson, Ken Machande, Tom Sheridan, me, Jack Bales, Milton Kline, David Hunt, Jeff Claypoole, Tom Larus, and Galen Degraff. Bill Crawley had left and Mark and Jan Aster had not arrived yet. 

 

For my own memory, in attendance were core members Jack Bales, Milton Kline, lead UMW painter, Joe Nicholas, Associate Professor Geography, Bill Crawley, Director of Great Lives and retired History Professor, Gary Johnson, former Director of the Career Counseling Center, Tom Larus, spouse of Liz Larus, Professor of Political Science and International Affairs, and grumpy emeriti Galen DeGraff, retired Professor of Finance, Tom Sheridan, former UMW head baseball coach, and David Hunt, retired Drama Professor.

 

Other University employees but not grumpies included Ian Rogol, Head Athletic Trainer and Ken Machande, Interim Dean of the College of Business. Tev Zukor, Director of the Counseling Center, was unable to make it because of a student crisis.

In addition, my son Morgan, Mark Aster and his wife Jan, and Jeff Claypoole drove up from Richmond. My brother Jim was unable to attend as he had a board meeting at James Madison University.

I felt very honored that these people would take the time to come to a party for me.